RANGERS have started building for the new season by signing Mr Fixit as their new Performance Prediction Director.
Mr Fixit is the second Daily Record journalist to be snapped up by owner Charles Green after the arrival of media boss James Traynor.
The Ibrox side targeted Mr Fixit after being impressed by his assessment of the club's games every week in his Saturday Record column. So far he's correctly predicted the result of all of their games except one.
Traynor employed Mr Fixit on the Record sports desk and will allow him to continue to write his popular columns for the paper.
Last night Traynor said: “Every week Mr Fixit has been getting it right with his predictions on Rangers games. Ally McCoist has taken note and he asked if we could being him board.
“It might look to some people as a gamble but it's an innovative move. If he thinks we're going to lose a game he can now tell us why and we can take steps to address that in advance. Once we make the alterations we'll ask him again for his assessment.”
Rangers are planning huge personnel changes after sealing the Third Division title and Mr Fixit hopes to play his part on the training pitch too.
The tipster said: “Not only will I be predicting the result of each match beforehand, I've been asked to introduce some games of chance to training in order to spice up things.
“I'm a qualified SFA coach and one of my favourite training excercises is a penalty shoot-out. If you miss you don't play the next game. This adds pressure and allows players to experience what a genuine shoot-out is really like.
“At half-time the 11 starters will have a game of poker in the dressing room. First out of the game will be subbed. This introduces a fun element and will keep players' minds sharp during the interval.
“Ally's asked me about diet because his players have looked tired towards the end of games. For me you don't get enough energy from health food and from now on players will be advised to eat two Killie pies before every game.”
Mr Fixit will start at Ibrox on July 1 and this site will run as normal until then.
But we're looking or a replacement for Mr Fixit and anyone interested should email admin secretary April Fuller at [email protected] by April 11 with full details.
Resident football tipster at Scotland's most read newspaper, the Daily Record, for over 20 years and proud host of one the best betting communities on the web with daily betting tips.
GambleAware
Well done Paul. Always knew you were a closet RANGERS fan. Great day for the club. I heard a rumour that John Greid coming back as manager as well?..zat right?
Guido, I might be working for Gers but I’ll always be a Bankie.
Sean, just trying to keep it going for a bit.
I’ll bite my lip and won’t spoil your fun Paul… ;-)
David, don’t what you mean. Can’t wait to be fitted out in club tie and brogues.
Just like Super Duper Davie Cooper, Paul…in good company!!
congratulations mr f,hope it goes well at ibrox
Sean, that’s more like it. Can’t wait to try a bluenose burger.
I am seriously starting to question Mr Traynor’s judgement now ;-)
Paul, be a proud day for you n the wife n kids walking up the marble staircase seeing all that great club legends portraits, Bill Struth, Jock Wallace, Graeme Souness. Are they planning a photo shoot in the Blue Room?
Don’t breath in mr f!!!!
Paul, was just wondering, is it true when you get your club blazer n tie you are only allowed to wear it in the stadium/or on match days?
Guido, dunno. Will find out soon.
Now that you are “in” there someone like Milesey wid get his eyes opened if you were to invite and show him round the trophy room/Blue Room/introduce him to the traditions of one of the greatest clubs in the world etc Paul..show him the difference from micky mouse clubs like Stevenage against the real deal? Maybe could run a contest for a few lucky individual to get a guided tour/lunch/meet the legends by yourself??
Guido, you could be my No.2.
No being funny Paul, but its a bit of a culture shock for ya, slumming it at Yoker watchin Bankies, where ya can shuffle up with unpolished shoes, scruffy attire n unshaven smelling of booze etc..I mean, they’ll no stand for that slovenliness at Ibrox surely??
Guido, it will be a culture shock all right. I’m used to watching a higher standard of football but I’ll get used to it. Right, I’m off and away to dream of a blue heaven!
I don’t mind carrying the bags, laptops, pencils n pens etc if it gets me in Paul. What I’d really luv to find out, and I guess once your “in” you might have the chance.. who puts the Broxi Bear gear on?? Heard rumours and that, someone said Paul Gascoigne comes up on matchdays and they pay him with giving him keys to the drinks cabinet, but not sure??..but hes got the same kinda cheeky chappy cheerleading/thumbs yup to the crowd/dancing about like Gazza so dunno?..could be?
A big well done, you will be missed and the very best of luck, and that comes from a die hard hoops fan.
Absolute genius Mr Fixit lol
I think I know your admin secretary, she related in any way to a guy called Ricardo?
Ha ha ha, I can’t believe everyone is buying this. Obviously this is an April Fool’s joke.
I have to say though, a very amusing read, and I found some of your suggestions pretty hilarious. Eating pies for energy and having a game of poker at halftime!
Ha ha, very good but I shall not be fooled.
ABSOLUTE GENIUS
Gotta agree dean, surely an April fool lol
April Fuller lol
lol I was buying it I then thought this seems a bit strange eating 2 pies and playing poker in the dressing room my suspicions were then confirmed when a saw Deans Comments and checked the date lol
Danny, even you could get a game if pie-eating and poker-playing was part of the warm-up.
Paul I would be the captain
I must admit he got me until Dean’s post and then the secretary name clicked. Haha good one Mr Fixit!
Good choice Mr f. Need any help learning the words a can give u my number. lessons will come cheap. God bless watp. never forget it. 54+1& still counting. Traynor for the sack. Never did like him
Class act fix it. Never know u could be offered a job now. For Scotland’s most successful team.
1st of April Today
Brilliant!
Read it last night didn’t want to spoil it by posting early!! Brilliance you ha me right up to penalty shoot out and poker at halftime! The Killie pie sealed it ;) Genious
Clarks, a couple of people got it early last night including Milesey but I deleted their comments to try to catch someone out this morning. Just a bit of a half but I hope Mr Traynor doesn’t read and haul me into his blue room.
Hi Paul
Just read this on Monday 1 April
Which is April Fool’s day
I may be wrong but I believe you are pulling an April Fool on everyone ……………
Read the headline and thought wtf! Got half way down article and thought aye right good one!
Belter mr. F
Would be funny to see how many emailed looking to fill is boots =)
Haha very good mr F….April fools…fools lol
I called it first!
HAHAHAHAHA had me a second Fixit.
Hilarious m8
Tony C, everyone knows there’s only one club for me and that’s the Bankies. Unfortunately they’re no longer looking for a Performance Prediction Director.
Email secretary april fuller aha Nice one but u didn’t catch me out lol
Mr F
As you may have read Celtic are to make a film of the founding of the club and have approached Daniel Day Lewis to play Brother Walfrid.
Will you be involved in the rangers film being put together provisionally titled ‘seven bribes for seven brothers’
happy easter
Brilliant. I slept in and forgot what day it was but now I realise. Good stuff.
This is an April Fool joke aint it?
Haha, it must have taken about 20 posts for someone to point out it’s an April’s fool! I hope people are more alert okay when picking their teams!:)
Greg, a few people picked it up early doors but I deleted the comments to keep the fun going. Last year’s was less obvious and caught quite a few folk out.
Any truth in the rumour Strachan has also called you in Paul ? :P
Duncy Mac, don’t think anyone can help Scotland just now, me included.
Turning into 1 of us Paul lol. well in mate :-)
Brilliant!
Ouch that’s what you get for reading the thread quickly, lol hook , line and sinker . Well done .
Paddy, u weren’t the only one so don’t worry. Anyone see a good one in the papers yesterday?
I seen a good one Paul, Dr Goals was heading to Perth for a trial with the Glory
Danny, Dr Goals as in Kenny Deuchar? Where did you read that?
aye Kenny Deuchar seen on the record website
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/april-fools-day-best—1796361